Divorce Quiz: Is It Time for A Divorce?

Should I Get a Divorce?

If you passed our “stay married or get divorced” quiz above, you already have an idea of what made you question your marriage. Whether you have sat on this decision for a while or have just reached it, you need to understand that your feelings about it are valid. Such a desire doesn’t come out of nowhere, and you are not bad or wrong for having it.

Understanding that divorce is the next step and actually taking it might take some time, especially if you’re not sure your own reasoning for it is enough for you. When you want to make an informed decision, see if there are common signs you need a divorce:

1. Lack of love.

No matter how you came to this point, if you don’t:

• Love your spouse
• Feel sexual attraction
• See yourself being together in the future
• Can tolerate your spouse’s habits or actions
• Want to keep this marriage going.

It screams “divorce.” You may be a picture-perfect family to others, have a stable and trusting relationship, and still feel like it’s not enough. It doesn’t make you greedy, needy, or inadequate. You may change, and so can your spouse, and as you do, your feelings change too.

There are couples who stay together despite this all just because:

• Children “need” to live in a “full” family. What about having happy parents and an example of a happy marriage?
• Friends and family will judge the decision to divorce. But they don’t have to live with your spouse, do they?
• There is no “right” reason to end a marriage. And there shouldn’t be! If you cannot tap into what’s wrong, it doesn’t mean that everything is fine.

After all, it is your life to live and your decision to make.

2. Detachment.

When there are a lot of feelings you cannot express or desires that are not being fulfilled, you might start checking out of the marriage. The same goes for your spouse. Your communication might be limited to household chores, what’s for dinner, or when an electrician would come to fix your lights.

There is no excitement anymore, you don’t talk much, and if there is any intimacy, it’s not passionate. This often happens when people don’t make time for each other, even when it’s harder to do:

• You have recently had a kid, and childcare is your priority at the moment.
• There are work issues or extra hours one of you needs to put in.
• There were health concerns or family problems that you had to focus on.

And the list goes on. Eventually, you might find yourself being roommates, parents, or caregivers – anything but spouses. If you’ve reached the point where you don’t see yourself getting back the spark, or your partner is not willing to make the changes, will your marriage make it another year or five?

3. Abuse

People often think of abuse as one spouse hitting the other, and while it’s true, it’s much more than that. There are different types of abuse you might suffer from:

• Physical abuse.
  When your spouse intentionally harms you or your children, it's physical abuse. It includes punches, bites, pulling, pushing, rough handling, and non-consensual restraint.
• Psychological or mental abuse.
  Boundary crossing, enforced isolation, intimidation, harassment, bullying, and threats are just the top of the surface when it comes to psychological abuse. It may even be more subtle, like patronizing or belittling your ideas and accomplishments, which is sometimes harder to notice.
• Sexual abuse.
  If you don’t want to have sex and your spouse does, it doesn’t mean it should happen just because you’re married. Consent is as crucial in a marriage as it is before it – there is no “duty.” Any form of touching and forcing you to watch sexual content or actions is as much sexual abuse as rape, harassment, and assault.
• Financial abuse.
  When your spouse is forcing you not to work although you want to or restraining your financial freedom, it’s a type of financial abuse. It also covers cases where only one spouse makes money and uses it to manipulate their partner into doing something they don’t like, denies financial assistance, or prevents their spouse from meeting their basic needs. It may go the other way with the financial contributor being exploited or controlled.

4. Cheating

Can you forgive your spouse for cheating? If the answer is no, divorce is your next step. Cheating comes in a lot of forms, with the most common being having sex with another person. Other things that are generally regarded as cheating are any forms of intimate contact and emotional affairs. But it’s not limited to this list.

Infidelity creates a lifetime trust issue:

• Will you be able to rebuild the trust?
• Do you believe there will be no cheating further on?
• Is forgiveness an option in such a case?

Some couples stay together despite the affairs, but it’s up to you to decide whether this is something your marriage can survive.

It’s common to think that people cheat because they are not satisfied with the sex life they have with their spouses. This is true in only some of the cases. More common reasons are a lack of love and attention, communication issues, low self-esteem, and an inability to commit. So, if you are the one considering or having an affair, it doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love your spouse. However, it does mean that there are clear issues in your marriage.

5. Arguments

A lot of things may become a source of conflict for a married couple. Some reach an agreement, and others just keep fighting without an end. It is natural when you don't see eye-to-eye on certain things. However, if your values, views, or desires are fundamentally different, and communication leaves you both unsatisfied, divorce is often the way out of the situation.